我們總是如此快速就對一個人產生了一個觀念，給他們下結論。給另一個人貼標籤、給他們一個概念性的身份，或是宣告對他們公正的評判，這些總是可以令小我的頭腦感到滿足。
每一個人思考和行為的方式都在某種程度上被制約了– 他們受限於遺傳基因、童年的經歷和文化環境。這不是他們的本質，而只是他們看上去的樣子。當你對某個人施以道德評判，你將那些受到製約的頭腦與真正的他們混淆了。這樣做本身就是一個深深地受限的、無意識的模式。你給他們施加了一個概念性的身份，而那個錯誤的身份成為一個牢籠，囚禁了他們，也囚禁了你自己。要放下評判不是說你看不見他們所做的。而是指你將他們的行為看作是一個受制約的外在形式，你看見它、接納它如它所是。你沒有為那個人建構一個身份。這就將你和那一個人從對條件、外在形式、頭腦的認同之中解放出來。小我不再掌控你的關係。
***
只要小我在掌控著你的生命，你大多數的思想、情緒、行為都來自於慾望和恐懼。這樣一來，在關係中，你要不就是索取對方的什麼東西，要不就是害怕對方的什麼東西。
你想從他們那裡得到的也許是快樂，或是物質上的滿足，或是認可、讚賞、關注，又或者是通過比較、通過確定你比別人懂得多、比別人擁有得多來獲得一種自我感的強化。而你害怕的是情況也許正相反，你害怕他們在某些方面可能會損及你的自我感。
當你將注意力聚焦於當下– 而不是把當下看做達到目標的手段– 你就超越了小我，超越了不由自主地想利用別人達到目標，犧牲別人強化自己的無意識的衝動。當你全神貫注與任何一個與你互動的人，你將過去與未來擯棄在這關係之外，除非是為了處理實際問題。當你全然臨在地與每一個你遇到的人互動，你拋棄了那個你曾經給他們下的定義– 那個關於他們是誰和他們曾經做過什麼的你的解讀– 你能夠不帶任何小我的慾望與恐懼與他們互動。注意力，也就是警覺的寧靜，是關鍵所在。
能夠在你的關係裡超越慾望與恐懼是多麼棒的一件事。愛不需要也不害怕任何事。
***
如果她的過去就是你的過去，她的痛苦就是你的痛苦，她的意識水平就是你的意識水平，你會和她一模一樣地思考和行動。意識到這一點，寬恕、慈悲、安詳就會隨之而來。
小我可不愛聽這些，因為一旦它無法再起反應，不再正確，它將失去力量。
***
當你接納任何一個進入當下的空間的人為你的貴人，當你允許每一個人都如其所是，他們就開始改變了。
***
如果想從本質上去認識一個人，你並不需要了解關於他們的任何事– 他們的過往、他們的歷史、他們的故事。我們總是將知道內容與一個更深層面的知曉，那個非概念性的知曉弄混。知道內容與知曉是完全不同的形態。一個是與外在形式相關，另一個則是與無形相關。一個通過思維運作，另一個則是通過寧靜運作。
知道內容對於實用目的是有幫助的。在這個層面上，我們不能沒有它。然而，如果它是關係中的普遍形態，它就會變得非常具有限制性，甚至是破壞性的。思維與概念製造了一個人為的隔閡，一種人與人之間的分離感。你們的互動從而沒有根植於本體，而是基於頭腦。如果沒有概念的隔閡，愛會自然而然地在人與人的互動之間流淌。人
***
絕大多數人們的互動被局限在語言的交換上– 這個思維的領域。而重要的是在互動中帶入一些寧靜，尤其是要帶入你的親密關係之中。
如果沒有來自於寧靜的廣闊空間感，任何關係都無法健康發展。一起冥想吧，或是到大自然中一起靜靜地待一會兒。當你們出去散步、或坐在車裡、或在家中，學會對一起身處寧靜之中感到自在安詳。寧靜不能被創造，也無需被創造。它本來就在那裡，只是常常被頭腦的噪音遮蔽，只需要敞開去感受這寧靜。
一旦失去了廣闊的寧靜，關係就會被頭腦掌控，並輕易地被問題和衝突接管。如果寧靜在那裡，它能包容一切。
***
真正的傾聽是將寧靜帶入關係之中的另一個方法。當你真正地在傾聽某個人，寧靜的向度升起了，並且成為這關係中至關重要的一個部分。但是真正的傾聽是一項非常難得的技巧。通常，一個人大部分的注意力會被自己的思考所佔據。最多，他們也許正在評估你的話，或準備著自己要說的下一件事。甚至，他們可能完全沒有在聽，只是迷失於他們自己的思維之中。
真正的傾聽，比聽覺的感知要深入得多。它是警覺的注意力的揚升，是一個臨在的空間，在這空間裡，語言被接收到。現在，語言變得次要。這些語言也許是有意義的，也許完全沒道理。比你正在傾聽的內容重要得多的，是傾聽這個動作本身，是當你傾聽時，升起的那個意識臨在的空間。那個空間是一個合一的覺知場域，在這空間裡，你與另一個人相遇，而沒有那個由概念性思考所創造的分離的隔閡。現在，另一個人不再是“別人”。在那空間裡，你們融入對方，成為合一的覺知、合一的意識。
***
你是否在親密關係中經驗過不斷重複的劇情。那些相對來說不重要的小分歧是否常常引發激烈的爭吵和情緒上的痛苦。在這一切的深處存在著小我的基本模式：它必須是正確的，當然，另一個人就必須是錯誤的，換句話說，就是認同於頭腦的立場。小我還需要時不時地與某件事或某個人發生衝突，以加強那個在我和他人之間的分離感，如果沒有這分離感，小我將無法生存。
此外，你和每一個人內在都攜帶著不斷累積的情緒上的痛苦，它來自於你個人的過往，也來自於人類集體的傷痛，這傷痛可以追溯到很久、很久以前。這個痛苦之身是你內在的一個能量場，它會時不時接管你，因為它需要不斷經驗到情緒的傷痛，來餵養和填充它自己。它會試圖掌控你的思考，使你的想法變得極端負面。痛苦之身喜愛你的負面想法，因為它能與這些想法的每一個頻率共振，從而以它們為食。它也會引發你身邊的人，尤其是你的伴侶的負面的情緒反應，好以隨之而來的戲碼和情緒傷痛餵養自己。
這無意識的對痛苦的認同在生命中製造瞭如此多不幸，你該如何使自己從中解脫出來呢。覺察到那痛苦。意識到它不是真正的你，認出它的本來面目，它只是過去的傷痛。當它在你的伴侶或你自己身上發生時，觀照它。當你打破了與它的無意識的認同，你就有能力在你內在觀察它，你不再餵養牠，然後它就會慢慢地失去能量的補充。
***
人類的互動可以是地獄。或者，它也可以成為偉大的靈性練習。
***
當你看著另一個人，心中湧出對他們巨大的愛，或者當你凝視大自然的美，內在感到深深的呼應時，閉上你的眼睛，一小會兒，去體會你內在那愛或美的本質，它與真正的你不可分離，與你的自然本性不可分離。外在形式只是你內在本質的短暫的反映。因此，所有的外在形式都會消逝，而愛與美卻永遠不會離開你。
***
你與這個物質世界，這些環繞你的，你每天都在處理的無數事物是什麼關係呢。你坐著的這張椅子、這支筆、這輛車、這個杯子。它們對你來說僅僅是達到目的的工具嗎？或者，你偶爾也會意識到它們的存在，它們的本體，無論這時刻多麼短暫，你注意到它們，關注了它們。當你執著於物質，當你利用它們來提升你在自己和別人眼中的價值時，對物質的關注會輕而易舉地佔據你的整個生命。
當你對物質產生自我認同，你不再欣賞它們的本來面目，因為你在它們之中尋找著你自己。當你欣賞一個物體的本來的樣子，當你不帶任何頭腦的投射，認出它的本體，你一定會對它的存在升起感恩之心。你也許還會感到它不是真正無生命的，只是對於我們的感官來說，它顯得沒有生命罷了。物理學家會證實這一點，在分子的層面，它的確是一個振動著的能量場。經由從無我的角度欣賞事物，你周圍的世界，將以你的頭腦無法理解的方式，開始活起來。
***
無論何時當你遇到一個人，不管時間多麼短暫，你是否給予他們全部的注意力，從而認出他們的本體，亦或，你將他們貶低為達到目的的一個工具，一個卑微的功能或角色。你與超市收銀員、停車場管理員、修理工、顧客的關係的品質如何？
只要片刻的關注就足夠了。當你看著他們或是傾聽他們時，一種警覺的寧靜升起。也許只有兩、三秒。也許更久一些。這短暫的時刻已足夠令某些東西產生，它比我們通常扮演或認同的角色更加真實。
所有角色都是人類頭腦那受制約的意識的一部分。而通過專注產生的卻是那個不受制約的– 在你的名字與外在形式之下的你的真正本質。你不再依照劇本行事。你變得真實。當那個向度從你的內在升起，它也會將別人內在的這個層面引導出來。當然，最終，並不存在別人，你總是遇見你自己。
翻譯：遊由
~~~原文如下~~~
Chapter 8
Relationships
How quick we are to form an opinion of a person, to come to a conclusion about
them. It is satisfying to the egoic mind to label another human being, to give them a
conceptual identity, to pronounce righteous judgment upon them.
Every human being has been conditioned to think and behave in certain ways–
conditioned genetically as well as by their childhood experiences and their cultural
environment.
That is not who they are, but that is who they appear to be. When you pronounce
judgment upon someone , you confuse those conditioned mind patterns with who
they are. To do that is in itself a deeply conditioned and unconscious pattern. You
give them a conceptual identity, and that false identity becomes a prison not only
for the other person but also for yourself.
To let go of judgment does not mean that you don't see what they do. It means that
you recognize their behavior as a form of conditioning, and you see it and accept it
as that. You don't construct an identity out of it for that person.
That liberates you as well as the other person from identification with conditioning,
with form, with mind. The ego then no longer runs your relationships.
***
As long as the ego runs your life, most of your thoughts , emotions, and actions
arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something
from the other person.
What you want from them may be pleasure or material gain, recognition, praise or
attention, or a strengthening of your sense of self through comparison and through
establishing that you are, have, or know more than they. What you fear is that the
opposite may be the case, and they may diminish your sense of self in some way.
When you make the present moment the focal point of your attention–instead of
using it as a means to an end–you go beyond the ego and beyond the unconscious
compulsion to use people as a means to an end, the end being self-enhancement at
the cost of others. When you give your fullest attention to whoever you are
interacting with, you take past and future out of the relationship, except for
practical matters. When you are fully present with everyone you meet, you
relinquish the conceptual identity you made for them–your interpretation of who
they are and what they did in the past–and are able to interact without the egoic
movements of desire and fear. Attention, which is alert stillness, is the key.
How wonderful to go beyond wanting and fearing in your relationships. Love does
not want or fear anything.
***
If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of consciousness your level
of consciousness, you would think and act exactly as she does. With this realization
comes forgiveness, compassion, peace.
The ego doesn't like to hear this, because if it cannot be reactive and righteous
anymore, it will lose strength.
***
When you receive whoever comes into the space of Now as a noble guest, when
you allow each person to be as they are, they begin to change.
***
To know another human being in their essence, you don't really need to know
anything about them–their past, their history, their story. We confuse knowing
about with a deeper knowing that is non-conceptual. Knowing about and knowing
are totally different modalities. One is concerned with form, the other with the
formless. One operates through thought, the other through stillness.
Knowing about is helpful for practical purposes. On that level, we cannot do
without it. When it is the predominant modality in relationships, however, it
becomes very limiting, even destructive. Thoughts and concepts create an artificial
barrier, a separation between human beings. Your interactions are then not rooted
in Being, but become mind- based. Without the conceptual barriers, love is naturally
present in all human interactions.
***
Most human interactions are confined to the exchange of words–the realm of
thought. It is essential to bring some stillness, particularly into your close
relationships.
No relationship can thrive without the sense of spaciousness that comes with
stillness. Meditate or spend silent time in nature together. When going for a walk or
sitting in the car or at home, become comfortable with being in stillness together.
Stillness cannot and need not be created. Just be receptive to the stillness that is
already there, but is usually obscured by mental noise.
If spacious stillness is missing, the relationship will be dominated by the mind and
can easily be taken over by problems and conflict. If stillness is there , it can contain
anything.
***
True listening is another way of bringing stillness into the relationship. When you
truly listen to someone, the dimension of stillness arises and becomes an essential
part of the relationship. But true listening is a rare skill. Usually, the greater part of
a person's attention is taken up by their thinking. At best, they may be evaluating
your words or preparing the next thing to say. Or they may not be listening at all,
lost in their own thoughts.
True listening goes far beyond auditory perception. It is the arising of alert
attention, a space of presence in which the words are being received. The words
now become secondary. They may be meaningful or they may not make sense. Far
more important than what you are listening to is the act of listening itself, the space
of conscious presence that arises as you listen. That space is a unifying field of
awareness in which you meet the other person without the separative barriers
created by conceptual thinking. And now the other person is no longer “other.” In
that space, you are joined together as one awareness, one consciousness.
***
Do you experience frequent and repetitive drama in your close relationships. Do
relatively insignificant disagreements often trigger violent arguments and
emotional pain. At the root of it lie the basic egoic patterns: the need to be right,
and, of course, for someone else to be wrong, that is to say identification with
mental positions. There is also the ego's need to be periodically in conflict with
something or someone in order to strengthen its sense of separation between me
and the other, without which it cannot survive. In addition, there is the accumulated
emotional pain from the past that you and each human being carries within, both
from your personal past as well as the collective pain of humanity that goes back a
long, long time. This pain body is an energy field within you that sporadically takes
you over because it needs to experience more emotional pain for itself to feed on
and replenish itself. It will try to control your thinking and make it deeply negative.
It loves your negative thoughts since it resonates with every frequency and so can
feed on them. It will also provoke negative emotional reactions in people close to
you, especially your partner, in order to feed on the ensuing drama and emotional
pain. How can you free yourself from this unconscious identification with pain that
creates so much misery in life. Become aware of it. Realize that it is not who you
are and recognize it for what it is, past pain. Witness it as it happens in your
partner or in yourself. When your unconscious identification with it is broken,
when you are able to observe it in yourself, you don't feed it anymore and it will
gradually lose its energy charge.
***
Human interaction can be hell. Or it can be a great spiritual practice.
***
When you look upon another human being and feel great love towards them, or
when you contemplate beauty in nature and something within you responds deeply
to it, close your eyes for a moment and feel the essence of that love or that beauty
within you, inseparable from who you are, your true nature. The outer form is a
temporary reflection of what you are within, in your essence. That is why love and
beauty can never leave you, although all outer forms will.
***
What is your relationship with the world of objects, the countless things that
surround you, and that you handle everyday. The chair you sit on, the pen, the car,
the cup. Are they to you merely a means to an end or do you occasionally
acknowledge their existence, their being, no matter how briefly, by noticing them
and giving them your attention. When you get attached to objects, when you are
using them to enhance your worth in your own eyes and in the eyes of others,
concern about things can easily take over your whole life.
When there is self-identification with things, you don't appreciate them for what
they are because you are looking for yourself in them . When you appreciate an
object for what it is, when you acknowledge its being without mental projection,
you cannot not feel grateful for its existence. You may also sense that it is not
really inanimate, that it only appears so to the senses. Physicist will confirm that
on a molecular level, it is indeed, a pulsating energy field. Through selfless
appreciation of the realm of things, the world around you will begin to come alive
for you in ways you cannot comprehend with the mind.
***
Whenever you meet anyone, no matter how briefly, do you acknowledge their
being by giving them your full attention, or are you reducing them to a means to an
end, a mere function or role. What is the quality of your relationship with the
cashier at the supermarket, the parking attendant, the repair man, the customer?
A moment of attention is enough. As you look at them or listen to them, there is an
alert stillness. Perhaps only two or three seconds. Perhaps longer. That is enough
for something more real to emerge than the roles we usually play and identify with.
All roles are part of the conditioned consciousness that is the human mind. That
which emerges through the act of attention is the unconditioned–who you are in
your essence underneath your name and form. You are no longer acting out a
script. You become real. When that dimension emerges from within you, it also
draws it forth from within the other person. Ultimately, of course, there is no other
and you are always meeting yourself.
摘自： Stillness Speaks
翻譯：遊由
轉自：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_4fd2f38b0100yrpf.html
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